Although Mont Pont Time has two directors. There is a large team that really gives mont pont time that special edge. Below is the official dictionary as at today of our crew. We have attached this because if you ever meet us, this dictionary will help you understand what the we are saying as best as possible.
Lee shyt = holy crap.
E.g.
Person 1: Dude did you see that chick, she was wearing nothing !
Person 2: lee shyt
Boiler = a particular individual who is both draining and a buzz kill.
Traceys = a women's breasts that are bigger then average.
Bag of dicks = another term for the word "bullshit". Word can also be substituted as bag of tricks, vix, bricks or anything rhyming depending on ones mood.
Catcha = another term for goodbye. But not used when your actually leaving but just during standard conversation after a good point is made.
Wahaa = the sound waluigi makes In Mario kart. Can be used at anytime for any reason.
Take care of it = to pick up a female efficiently and smoothly. Can be used past tense. Took care of it or as a question. Did you take care of it ?
Model = any female who is rated 7 and above. Do not actually have to be a model for work.
Tarnished = a word to describe someone who has earned little respect from his/her peers.
Warcards = a game where the person with the lowest card must perform an act which leads to an instant loss of dignity. See: punishment bible
Year of it = a year where excellent events are forecasted.
Sifting = when someone In a relationship is harmlessly flirting with someone other then their partner.
Tripping balls = having a dizzy , loss of vision like sensation. May be due to illicit drug use or inappropriate lenses for your reading glasses
Wreck = Someone who is embarrassing. Tends to have little shame
Space time continuum = the process of entering an invisible forcefield of seduction, and alternative strategies to seducing the opposite sex.
Daw Bullsheh = Another way of saying "Oh, Bullshit?" Can sound different depending on dialect. May also be pronounced "Doah Busre" Or Daw? For short.
Monday, 25 July 2011
Sunday, 24 July 2011
Friday, 22 July 2011
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
Demonizing Concepts 101
The difference between Demonizing and standard photo bombing is the consistent facial expression while Demonizing Although there are a few different varieties of the expression, overall Demonizing is relatively consistent and easy to do. It can be done to anybody at any time somebody is capturing a precious moment with a camera.
Figure 1.1 Pont from Mont Pont Time Shows Traits of Great Demonizing.
 |
| As you can see, eyebrows go into a frowning motion, Hands tend to raise above the head of the victim. The lower jaw is strategically placed out in front of the rest of the mouth, giving an under-bite affect. |
Gutsy Demonizing photos are considered rare and valuable.
This may include the demonization of Police Officers, Government Officials or Famous figures in the media.
Please see below for how the act of Demonizing should not be done.
Figure 1.2 Pont from Mont Pont Time shows negative traits of demonizing
 |
| As you can see here Pont shows bad signs of demonizing, athough his hands are raised and has the facial traits, his victim is looking directly at him and probably wondering "Why is this man doing this to me?" As mentioned earlier, this is not the only way to effectively demonize. One can use their imagination when it comes to the dis figuration of the face. Although Pont has been busted in the act. The number 1 rule of Demonizing is that you must go through with the photo that you once intended to demonize, no matter what it takes, or what they say to you. Feel free to enter in your Demonizing photos to montponttime@hotmail.com If you dare. Mont of Mont Pont Time |
Monday, 11 July 2011
Friday, 8 July 2011
Letter to the Department Of Transport
To whom it may concern: Infringement No: 2561124
I have awaited the moment that my Traffic Infringement notice be issued to me via post for several weeks now, when I am not working in a busy financial industry, playing a series of sports and teaching piano lessons, I love nothing more than taking time out of my busy schedule to write letters to the wonderful Department of Transport.
This letter is in regards to the infringement number: 2561124. After reading through one of your attached documents stating that if I did nothing there is a possibility of a Sheriff demanding payment, seizing my property or me being imprisoned, I thought it would be best to take action.
Although I am aware of the existence of Sheriffs in the South of the United States, I wasn’t aware that we had a town Sheriff here, if he is anything like the ones in the movies that twist 44 Magnums around their index finger, It’d be a pleasure meeting him.
As you are probably looking at my infringement details on your P.C, you’ll notice it mentions “Failing to produce a valid ticket”. Although I am not a fan of the word “Failing”, this infringement is indeed correct. However, after dealing with your excellent and well trained service staff at Craigieburn Train Station, I noticed there was a bit more to the story
.
Due to the need to budget my salary as efficiently and effectively as possible, I make it my duty to purchase weekly tickets, every Thursday. This allows me just the right amount of money each week to buy a Spring Roll for lunch, and eventually save enough money to purchase Call of Duty Black Ops for my Playstation 3.
On this particular occurrence at Craigieburn Train Station, after asking for my usual weekly ticket, I was indeed sold a daily ticket. After foolishly believing that the Customer Service Staff had the capacity and tertiary qualifications to issue me with the correct ticket, I realised the next day that it was indeed a daily ticket, while walking through the barriers at the very busy Melbourne Central Railway Station.
I was then approached by the always friendly Ticket Inspection Officers who noticed my dilemma and decided to report me. I then explained to the two taller and physically superior officers that it was a mistake and I can show my internet bank statement on my new Iphone 4 that I am renown for purchasing weekly tickets for approximately 7 months on the same day every week.
My Iphone4 is with Vodafone and they are quite popular for having poor reception, and due to this I could not bring up my bank statement to prove my case. This whole complication could have been avoided if I chose to purchase the HTC Desire HD2 with Telstra Mobile instead.
After considering giving them a fake Given and Surname for myself, I came to my senses and realised, I have broken the law, and I am a menace to society that did not have a valid met card ticket, I needed to be punished and stopped immediately.
As per the above paragraphs, I wish to have my infringement of $176.00 waived. I await your speedy reply.
PS: Below I have attached a picture of Puss in Boots putting on an adorable face in the DreamWorks movie Shrek 2. Please accept this as my apology.
Invoice
Feel free to send out an Invoice when a girl doesn't reply to your text message.
Job | Payment Terms | |
Text message reimbursement | For lack of ability to return a text message. | |
Description | Total | |
Text Message Reimbursement | $0.25 | |
+ GST | $0.025 | |
Sub Total | $0.28 | |
+ Inflation | $0.0084 | |
Total Due | $0.29 | |
Make all checks payable to Thank you for your business! | ||
MONT-PONT PTY LTD
MONT-PONT PTY LTD
If you haven't heard of mont-pont time. It consists of two directors (Sean and Peter) and basically involves abusing and frustrating various women through the use of text messages. It also includes alternative way to picking up women, which usually do not work. We have ruined many dates and future opportunities with beautiful women, due to mont pont time.
One particular girl did not reply when Pete asked her to dinner. We thought we'd write a message that she would HAVE to reply to
Here it is:
Greetings! From the planet PONTRON! Haiduk!
I just wanted to officially thank you for your time ^_^
Although it would have been fantastic to have enjoyed a delightful, scrumptious, outstanding meal with a side of rich Ale with you. That’s okay ^_^
You are very pretty! My precious.. Kidding, that’s from lord of the rings, I’m not sure if you’re aware of the movie but it’s really great! My mother bought me a ring for Christmas, but my neighbour’s cat swallowed it during a game of Chinese whispers with my best friends grandmothers. I’m not usually a cat person, they make me feel uncomfortable because it’s hard to tell what they are thinking.
Once I was playing Bingo with my friend Sean and his grandmother (who has a dog with 3 legs, I think it was attacked) and one of their retired friends won three games in a row!. I didn’t like that guy because he was making the rest of the people feel disadvantaged. There was a colored cat who then took his chair....I liked that cat.
We are getting slightly off topic though.
So understandably dinner can be quite expensive, but I just want to elaborate to you that, I will fund the occasion. As long as you bring yourself, and an umbrella .. (you know being in Melbourne the weather can change at any moment)
I heard next week was around 23 degrees yet I doubt it will get to that ^_^
Due to the fact that you didn’t reply to my initial message I sent you, I’d like to extend to you this gift of reconciliation
The photo you see is of a phoenix bird which I have drawn for you. the phoenix is known in old Greek mythology for being symbolic of Rebirth. The young phoenix bird initially sets itself on fire and then is reborn from its own ashes. I like to interpret this as starting fresh. ^_^
So what do you say. Sharn’t we take the path of the phoenix and start again?
I have a friend who runs a restaurant down in Collingwood. But I would never take you there! It’s way too dangerous and full of nerds ^_^
Alternatively there is a nice Italian Restaurant in Brunswick that provides quality Italian food at an affordable price. Once an Italian swore at me in his language, I assumed it was a swear word as he was angry when he said it. But you know Italians! Their bark is stronger than their bite!
So, What do you say to that. Something positive I hope. ?
Insert your response here
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
If no response is acquired I will assume you will pick me up (I don’t drive, the freeways are way too fast!) at let’s say roughly 7:52pm EST this Thursday the 16th of December 2010 to be precise.
Thank you for your time
Kind Regards
Peter (unrivalled leader of the Pontron planet & it’s people)
One particular girl did not reply when Pete asked her to dinner. We thought we'd write a message that she would HAVE to reply to
Here it is:
Greetings! From the planet PONTRON! Haiduk!
I just wanted to officially thank you for your time ^_^
Although it would have been fantastic to have enjoyed a delightful, scrumptious, outstanding meal with a side of rich Ale with you. That’s okay ^_^
You are very pretty! My precious.. Kidding, that’s from lord of the rings, I’m not sure if you’re aware of the movie but it’s really great! My mother bought me a ring for Christmas, but my neighbour’s cat swallowed it during a game of Chinese whispers with my best friends grandmothers. I’m not usually a cat person, they make me feel uncomfortable because it’s hard to tell what they are thinking.
Once I was playing Bingo with my friend Sean and his grandmother (who has a dog with 3 legs, I think it was attacked) and one of their retired friends won three games in a row!. I didn’t like that guy because he was making the rest of the people feel disadvantaged. There was a colored cat who then took his chair....I liked that cat.
We are getting slightly off topic though.
So understandably dinner can be quite expensive, but I just want to elaborate to you that, I will fund the occasion. As long as you bring yourself, and an umbrella .. (you know being in Melbourne the weather can change at any moment)
I heard next week was around 23 degrees yet I doubt it will get to that ^_^
Due to the fact that you didn’t reply to my initial message I sent you, I’d like to extend to you this gift of reconciliation
The photo you see is of a phoenix bird which I have drawn for you. the phoenix is known in old Greek mythology for being symbolic of Rebirth. The young phoenix bird initially sets itself on fire and then is reborn from its own ashes. I like to interpret this as starting fresh. ^_^
So what do you say. Sharn’t we take the path of the phoenix and start again?
I have a friend who runs a restaurant down in Collingwood. But I would never take you there! It’s way too dangerous and full of nerds ^_^
Alternatively there is a nice Italian Restaurant in Brunswick that provides quality Italian food at an affordable price. Once an Italian swore at me in his language, I assumed it was a swear word as he was angry when he said it. But you know Italians! Their bark is stronger than their bite!
So, What do you say to that. Something positive I hope. ?
Insert your response here
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
If no response is acquired I will assume you will pick me up (I don’t drive, the freeways are way too fast!) at let’s say roughly 7:52pm EST this Thursday the 16th of December 2010 to be precise.
Thank you for your time
Kind Regards
Peter (unrivalled leader of the Pontron planet & it’s people)
The Shot Gun Manual
The Theory
The term "Shotgun" refers to the front passenger seat of an auto-mobile. "Calling Shotgun" is the act of claiming the position of shotgun for one's self. As this position is the most coveted of all positions when riding in a car, the following list of rules have been created to ensure that Shotgun can be acquired in a fair and equitable manner by any passenger of an auto-mobile.
The 10 Rounds of Shotgun
1. Shotgun rules will not apply towards humanoids of the x-x chromosome
2. Shotgun rules will not apply in the circumstance that the owner of the auto-mobile is coincidently not driving for any motive
3. Shotgun rules will not apply where logic defeats the purpose in a comfort sense (i.e someone of very tall stature uncomfortably sitting in the rear seats of a compressed auto mobile for a prolonged amount of time)
4. You are obliged to shotgun in the vicinity of the majority of the group
5. You must shotgun when you are in close proximity of the vehicle in discussion. You must be walking toward the car. The car must be in sight.
6. If a shotgun is not called and a humanoid places their rear on the seat, the shotgun rules have expired.
7. Shotgun rules will not apply if logic defeats purpose when a humanoid lacks sense of direction, in which the driver specifies which humanoid should occupy the front seat in order to aid him to the location of desire.
8. If a humanoid does not comply with the shotgun rules in question, they shall not speak unless spoken to.
9. If a humanoid acquires a positive shotgun reputation throughout time they can obtain, in the voting favour of the majority, a "free reverse shotgun" card, which allows the participant to overrule a general shotgun (May be used on one occasion)
10. By not abiding by the shotgun rules, by shotgun law, you shall suffer a loss of respect from all your peers, and consequently be bad mouthed in instances where you are not present. Your reputation will be tarnished.
Definitions
Humanoid - Someone of the human race.
X-x chromosome - Female species
Owner - One who has purchased the car, or one whom the car is registered under
Prolonged - More then 2 hours.
Tarnished Reputation - Not invited to future events.
The rules of MontPont
The term "Shotgun" refers to the front passenger seat of an auto-mobile. "Calling Shotgun" is the act of claiming the position of shotgun for one's self. As this position is the most coveted of all positions when riding in a car, the following list of rules have been created to ensure that Shotgun can be acquired in a fair and equitable manner by any passenger of an auto-mobile.
The 10 Rounds of Shotgun
1. Shotgun rules will not apply towards humanoids of the x-x chromosome
2. Shotgun rules will not apply in the circumstance that the owner of the auto-mobile is coincidently not driving for any motive
3. Shotgun rules will not apply where logic defeats the purpose in a comfort sense (i.e someone of very tall stature uncomfortably sitting in the rear seats of a compressed auto mobile for a prolonged amount of time)
4. You are obliged to shotgun in the vicinity of the majority of the group
5. You must shotgun when you are in close proximity of the vehicle in discussion. You must be walking toward the car. The car must be in sight.
6. If a shotgun is not called and a humanoid places their rear on the seat, the shotgun rules have expired.
7. Shotgun rules will not apply if logic defeats purpose when a humanoid lacks sense of direction, in which the driver specifies which humanoid should occupy the front seat in order to aid him to the location of desire.
8. If a humanoid does not comply with the shotgun rules in question, they shall not speak unless spoken to.
9. If a humanoid acquires a positive shotgun reputation throughout time they can obtain, in the voting favour of the majority, a "free reverse shotgun" card, which allows the participant to overrule a general shotgun (May be used on one occasion)
10. By not abiding by the shotgun rules, by shotgun law, you shall suffer a loss of respect from all your peers, and consequently be bad mouthed in instances where you are not present. Your reputation will be tarnished.
Definitions
Humanoid - Someone of the human race.
X-x chromosome - Female species
Owner - One who has purchased the car, or one whom the car is registered under
Prolonged - More then 2 hours.
Tarnished Reputation - Not invited to future events.
The rules of MontPont
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